Friday Humor

Highway 162

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He says to himself, “this driver is just as dangerous as a speedster!”

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the Car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front seats and three in the back – wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers…”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit Exactly.. Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 Was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the Woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask.. Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t made a peep this whole time,” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 162.”

Thanksgiving Verse

A Thanksgiving Prayer

“O God, when I have food,
help me to remember the hungry;
When I have work,
help me to remember the jobless;
When I have a home,
help me to remember those who have no home at all;
When I am without pain,
help me to remember those who suffer,
And remembering,
help me to destroy my complacency;
bestir my compassion,
and be concerned enough to help;
By word and deed,
those who cry out for what we take for granted.   Amen.”

Monday Quote

No man can live happily who regards himself alone, who turns everything to his own advantage.

Thou must live for another, if thou wishest to live for thyself.     Seneca

Sunday Scripture

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
      but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. Proverbs 17:22

Friday Humor–Because Jim and I think it’s Funny!

Your Duck is Dead—

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry,your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..

How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat.

The cat jumped on the table and delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiablyly, a dead duck.”

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill,which he handed to the woman..
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it is now $150.”

What I Can Do

I can’t end hunger, but I can donate cans to a food bank.

I can’t fix needy schools, but I can give volunteer to be a class reader.

I can’t wish every soldier a Merry Christmas but I can send Christmas cards. *

I can’t end the war, but I can pray for the safety of all of our bravest.

*Holiday Mail for Heroes
P.O. Box 5456
Capitol Height, MD   20791-5456
Deadline is December 9th, 2009

God’s Presence

Reaction to USPSTF Announcement

In an article published November 17 in the Annals of Internal Medicine, USPSTF researchers announced that the agency was raising to 50 the recommended age at which breast screening should start.

****Mammograms are preventive procedures. When we consider the concept of prevention, we are looking at avoiding risks, building an informational resource, and engendering piece of mind.

According the ACS (American Cancer Sociey), 17% of breast cancer deaths in 2006 were among women who were diagnosed between ages 40 and 49 years of age. Um, that is not just a statistic, it is lives. And it is deaths.

If the USPSTF announcement causes a woman to delay her mammogram, it is extremely unfortunate. If the announcement causes the restriction or rationing of  this vital healthcare procedure or a change of insurance coverage, it is an irresponsible intrusion into a woman’s right to select her affordable healthcare options.

I have a daughter who is 22 years old. I want her to be on the offense of her health choices not on the reactive defense.  Prevention by its very definition is preparation. Prevention sets baselines. Prevention saves.

If this announcement causes a change in the preventative procedures that are available to her, then it is a step backward. If it encourages the complacency common to her age group, then it is also a step backward.

Monday Quote

Trusting without knowing makes the world alive with possibility

Sunday Scripture

² I will be careful to live a blameless life—
      when will you come to help me?
   I will lead a life of integrity
      in my own home.
 ³ I will refuse to look at
      anything vile and vulgar.
   I hate all who deal crookedly;
      I will have nothing to do with them.
 ⁴ I will reject perverse ideas
      and stay away from every evil.  Psalm 101:2-4

Question for Today…

If you didn’t have to work to support yourself or your family, what would you like to be doing with your time?

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Veteran’s Day: Freedom Is Not Free

Thank you to the 25 million Veterans who sacrificed for us.

All veterans are examples of service and citizenship for every American to remember and to follow.” — President George W. Bush, Oct. 30, 2001

No Drama, No Drama, No Drama…

Monday Quote

Life is like a game of tennis. The player who serves well seldom loses.

Sunday Scripture

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Being Ourselves

If You Change One Thing, You Change Everything

If You Change One Thing, You Change Everything

Looking back on your life, what would you change if you could?

In the classic 1946 film It’s a Wonderful Life, the main character, a small-town bank officer played by Jimmy Stewart, is about to commit suicide when an angel shows him how different the lives of people in Bedford Falls would be if he hadn’t been born. The movie is a favorite because it affirms how each of us touches the lives and shapes the future in unexpected and often marvelous ways.

More modern films like Back to the Future, Sliding Door, and Frequency are built on a similar premise: If you change the past, you change the future – often in dramatic and unpredictable ways. If you change one thing, you change everything.

Given the potential impact of every decision you make, it’s wise to think ahead. Although few things turn out exactly as we plan, the better we understand how our choices start a chain reaction of events, the more likely we are to get what we want.

The enormous complexity of cause and effect leads to another conclusion: It’s futile to look back at our lives with “what if” scenarios. What’s done is done. Although changing our past would change our present, it would do so in ways that are so unpredictable that we could never know whether it would be for better or worse.

Accept and celebrate the fact that what you are today is a direct result of everything that’s happened to you. It’s pointless to wish things were different. Remember, if you change one thing, you change everything.

By Michael Josephson

Sunday Scripture

 ¹⁹ This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. Deuteronomy 30:19 (NIV)

 

 

 

 

3 Things…

Who Empowers Me?

What makes me weak? My fears…

What makes me whole? My God.

What keeps me standing? My faith.

What makes me compassionate? My example of Christ.

What makes me honest? My integrity.

What sustains my mind? My quest for knowledge. My questions.

What teaches me lessons? My mistakes.

What if I can’t go on? Not an option…

What makes me victorious? My courage to climb.

What makes me a person? My heart.

Who says I need love? I do.

What empowers me? Christ, who sacrificed for Me.

Monday Quote

One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.
~Goethe

Sunday Scripture

We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God. John 6:69

Because the well runs dry, we know Jesus is the river of living water
(John 4).

Because the storm rages, we know Jesus is the Lord of the storms
(Matthew 14).

Because the floods overwhelm, we know Jesus is the rock on which to build (Matthew 7).

Because the foundation shivers, we know Jesus is the cornerstone that will not move (Matthew 21).

Because sickness comes, we know Jesus is the healer (Matthew 4).

Because we’re bankrupt through the debt of sin, we know Jesus is our redeemer (Galatians 3).

Because we grieve, we know Jesus is the voice calling from the shore, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?” (John 21).

Because we’re full of doubt, we know Jesus is the nail-scarred palm inviting our touch (John 20).

Monday Quote

 Listening Is Wanting To Hear~~~Jim Cathcart

Sunday Scripture

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace… Romans 15:13